tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-31974818142467777172024-03-06T04:40:47.012+03:00THE GIRL THAT I AMDocumented ThoughtsUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger235125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-59742947297980494412019-05-12T01:34:00.001+03:002019-05-12T01:34:20.051+03:00Diary - Sun 12 May early morning<p dir="ltr">Boarding flight soon from Yerevan to Amman via Doha, then straight to work (without laptop since i left it home before traveling) for the big full day meeting about the personality test they made us do.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Since i left Thomas Lang back at the hostel, somehow i felt sad, this vacation with him has been intense, spending LOTS of daily time together, sometimes just chilling and reading, and sometimes conversing about history, nationalism, feminism, vegan use of nonvegan terms such as cheese and meat, business, family ... all sorts of things.</p>
<p dir="ltr">We spent the first 2 nights in Yerevan, i arrived morning after an overnight train ride, and he arrived cycling, we spent the first day stalling around the city, i got some time before he arrived to do my hair and nails, we of course did our business when we first met in the hotel, then went off for lunch, he wanted to go to a bakery which we did but they didn't understood what vegan meant, after he had a couple of pastries, we headed walking to a vegan-friendly restaurant but on the way we found an Indian restaurant that actually felt more like money laundry business 😂</p>
<p dir="ltr">Later on we continued our walk and had some wine ... <u>TBC</u></p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-63442530983748817672018-05-22T07:16:00.001+03:002018-05-22T07:16:00.128+03:00Ups & downs<p dir="ltr">And suddenly once again, i feel peace!<br>
Suddenly, I feel happy for him.<br>
Strangely, remembering his loving comments to her made me smile and see the loving heart in his soul once again.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Suddenly once again, I feel gratitude for what we had and accept that it wasn't meant to grow.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Just internal peace and inner happiness within.<br>
Love you and wish you the best. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-23304217495567804242018-05-20T01:45:00.001+03:002018-05-20T01:45:45.340+03:00lost the last connection<p dir="ltr">After the most recent revelation of knowing he moved on with a new gf since december, as if all my reality collapsed around me fallen apart on me.<br>
I realized now that the binge traveling i had was a subconscious attempt to be around his essense, a connection we once had. <br>
Suddenly, many feelings changed about my upcoming booked trips, now i understand all those nonstop trips, my heart was somehow unknowingly still looking for him.<br>
My mind knew he wasn't there but my heart felt he was, and my heart was apparently wrong, he was, and still is, with her.<br>
I thought I already lost hope, but now i know i just did, only now.<br>
It still hurts and it still aches, i thought i moved on, i thought he was out of my heart, looks like he's still there and still messing me up inside turning all of me upside down.<br>
Turning the page now in better hope of a future without him in my thoughts and heart.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-21188211053671794252017-11-05T22:36:00.001+02:002017-11-05T22:38:25.758+02:00Endless Nightmare<p dir="ltr">You made my worst dreams come true!<br>
I used to have such nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night with a broken heart to find myself in reality in your arms.<br>
You used to tell me such things would never happen, you used to assure me it's only a bad dream and you will always protect my heart.</p>
<p dir="ltr">You used to tell me you love me as you love life itself.<br>
I loved you as i loved life itself, i was true when i said that, now i hate life.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-4023512239477123402017-11-04T12:25:00.001+02:002017-11-04T12:25:22.854+02:00Enough already<p dir="ltr">Stop the nonsense and come back home.<br>
Enough already!<br>
I'm almost dead, taking my last breaths.. enough.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-27828374640517745522017-11-02T20:20:00.001+02:002017-11-02T20:20:40.198+02:0010 pm<p dir="ltr">It's 10 pm, I'm already drunk, about to go home with a colleague who's been always interested physically.<br>
All i can think of is him, yet i know it's over long ago, i lost all senses, i have no feelings with others anymore, i have no feelings for him either when he's around, i only miss the good great amazing times we shared together once upon a time. Thhe great old him.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I told him "you made me hate veganism" he got defensive. In my mind now I'm thinking, of course he did, who else did? My grandmother?<br>
He blamed the failure of our love on veganism, he blamed veganism over and over again, it's like all the pain i ever had was bcz of it!</p>
<p dir="ltr">I love being vegan, but i hate that he blamed everything on it.</p>
<p dir="ltr">4th guy to go to bed to, and he's still not there, i lost the power to live, i lost the will to live, there hasn't been a single moment since the damn day where i haven't wished to die, i still wish it everyday.</p>
<p dir="ltr">Fuck him.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-83968690691689106492017-07-10T21:26:00.001+03:002017-07-10T21:26:46.559+03:00Giving up<p dir="ltr">Few more tears and I'm <u>done</u></p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-25862139349761377082017-02-27T09:45:00.001+02:002017-02-27T09:49:40.611+02:00Why I love him<p dir="ltr">Why i love this man:</p>
<p dir="ltr">He's a curious explorer with an insatiable desire to wander the world aimlessly and breath life within at a pace that suits his precious heart beats.<br>
He's the smarter of us and the calmer, and most of the times wiser, he brings with perfect sweetness peace to my heart and knows how to reach to the deapest of my core and cuddle me with his flow of love that leaves me surrendering to him.<br>
He lives in the world with peace and as he values his life, he does the same to others, he respects life and earth and the inhabitats, and he does it all gracefully.<br>
With him I've been inspired endlessly and my life took great turns and my thinking shifted in interesting ways that without him, I wouldn't be the same.<br>
Conversations with him are always filled with exciting discussions and higher lever analysis and deeper thoughts than the average, he fills me with the desire to hear more and know more.<br>
His charming sense of humor and the laughs he brings to my life are at the essence of my joy and happiness, he makes me happier everyday.</p>
<p dir="ltr">I love this man because it's the only thing I can do around him, he leaves me no choices.</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-16986783313285806822016-10-22T20:54:00.002+03:002016-10-22T20:54:46.113+03:00Visit Me<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Come visit me in my dreams<br />
I'll love you everyday<br />
make love to you each night<br />
in heaven we'll stay<br />
no struggles no conflicts<br />
just only pure joy<br />
peacefully yours<br />
i'll love you everyday</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-60530624621152070932016-09-21T10:48:00.001+03:002016-09-21T10:48:52.640+03:00Constantly Evolving<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I stumbled upon my blog again today, and started reading some of my previous posts.<br />
Couldn't go through all of them at once, 243 posts aren't easy to go through in one session.<br />
<br />
It fascinated me how much I evolved and changed since the date of some posts. Some of them are so negative and gloomy, I know that I usually reach out to my blog when I'm sad, angry, frustrated or just need to let out something, rarely when I'm positive, but I still think I evolved and changed a lot since then.<br />
<br />
Now I have an opposite positive outlook to life, I love life, I love people, I have lots of hope and my <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2012/12/utopia.html">Utopian used-to-be-dream</a> now seem achievable.<br />
<br />
Few observations and most of the posts are 6-7 years old:<br />
- I was negative in life, now I'm living it positively and happily, appreciating every moment of it.<br />
- Pain (<a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2010/12/clavicle-bone-fracture.html">physical</a> and emotional) plays a huge role in shaping my identity, <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2010/12/nwg-fly.html">my thoughts</a>, <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2010/07/my-definitions.html">beliefs</a> and ideology.<br />
- I'm extremely sensitive to pain.<br />
- My capacity <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2010/06/mere-presence.html">to love</a>, my passion, <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2011/08/disappointments.html">my giving</a>, <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2011/02/i-spit-on-your-grave.html">ability to forgive</a>, all <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2011/04/freedom.html">fearlessly</a>, is <a href="http://a-girl-called-me.blogspot.ae/2011/04/perpetual-battle.html">overwhelming</a>. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-50210149928353761752016-09-21T09:59:00.001+03:002016-09-21T09:59:51.354+03:00Like Nothing <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
He left like i'm nothing, like i don't exist, or in best cases, like i'm just an object, a neglected piece of furniture...<br />
I don't exist.<br />
He just promised a couple of days ago he won't do this.<br />
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-31680121157720325872015-05-24T07:31:00.001+03:002015-05-24T07:31:07.283+03:00This phase of my life...<p dir="ltr">...is calles "slow motion"</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-69931575141930671012015-03-10T23:32:00.001+02:002015-03-11T11:48:56.290+02:00<p dir="ltr">Tonight, among all nights, I miss you. </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-75033796772317685872014-10-26T10:51:00.001+03:002014-10-26T10:51:05.424+03:00Dangerously highly addictive<p dir="ltr">I like you, i wanna love you, and i wanna hate you at the same time for the bad timing, you're dangerously highly addictive, i wanna cry, and i wanna laugh with you.. you're amazing! </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-21814536247303014262014-10-20T12:59:00.001+03:002014-10-20T12:59:46.356+03:00Sleep paralysis<p dir="ltr">I just had my 2nd sleep paralysis last night, i had the first one around a couple of months ago, but it was like a drop in the ocean compared to last night..</p>
<p dir="ltr">The problem with sleep paralysis is that you can never tell what's real and what's not, i woke up so many times just to find out i was still "dreaming".. </p>
<p dir="ltr">It was terrifying, and it was real.. i ended up waking up at 2 am and scared to go back to sleep.. i hope it won't happen again!</p>
<p dir="ltr">Some people strive to achieve lucid dreaming or sleep paralysis, but i say run away as far as you can!</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-84559848125583653032014-10-03T00:24:00.001+03:002015-10-07T16:27:10.131+03:00Camping packing checklist<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
<div dir="ltr">
Tissues<br />
Wet wipes<br />
Deodorant<br />
Facial cleanser<br />
Cotton pads<br />
Facial creams<br />
Makeup<br />
Soap<br />
Shampoo<br />
disposable tooth brush<br />
Hair cream<br />
Hair kit, hat<br />
Hair scarf for sun/bandana<br />
Shades<br />
Nail protection, nail oil<br />
Lip balm<br />
Sunscreen<br />
Nail kit<br />
Fan</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Tent<br />
Blanket<br />
Inflatable pillow or nick pillow<br />
Air mattress/airbed<br />(Optional) Hammer for setting up the tents<br />
Microwave bags, Tupper wear for water protection, water proof bag<br />
Headlights<br />
Rope<br />
Sleeping bag<br />Camping Chair<br />Portable Speakers<br />
Camera<br />Extra batteries for the head light<br />
Passport - if traveling<br />
Pen, small notebook<br />
Credit Card, money, id, health insurance card<br />
Portable charger, car charger, charging cable</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Towel<br />
Face towel<br />
Shoes<br />
Slippers<br />
Socks<br />Extra clothes<br />
Swimming suits<br />
Goggles<br />
Snorkeling kit - if snorkeling<br />
Foot splints - for night relief<br />
Sheets or ground cloth - to be put under the airbed</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Cigarettes & Lighter<br />
Snacks and Juices<br />Corn & Mushrooms for BBQ, lettuce for bread replacement (for gluten-intolerant ppl like me)</div>
<div dir="ltr">
Cutlery<br />
Aluminum dish for hot bbq<br />
Vitamins</div>
<div dir="ltr">
For women - feminine care (pads, wet wipes, tampons..)</div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-14118824964354289432014-08-24T08:32:00.001+03:002014-08-24T08:32:48.076+03:00still stuck<p dir="ltr">my heart aches when I think about you and my whole body grieves. <br>
The tragedy however, is that I'm thinking of you often!</p>
<p dir="ltr">not that i want us to be back or anything, I'm sure about the rational decision, but I'm angry on the destiny that put us together and then apart again..</p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-92047335903494810832014-08-23T12:55:00.001+03:002014-08-23T12:55:58.117+03:00Love in absence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"> <a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3241xe0zc2Mli9tqRvuNDLfA9pCGQ9Fek5mmy4lAYVoD4toPSpi-FQ42t-U3e9KfTLWBiWiJhgLTVs-xTuIZGeBs_EXSaS_ApCKSp4NQZ_0cQNh_H4XBIUNSzjty3LJfHQy3AiMW3bIE/s1600/20140822_115445.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"> <img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3241xe0zc2Mli9tqRvuNDLfA9pCGQ9Fek5mmy4lAYVoD4toPSpi-FQ42t-U3e9KfTLWBiWiJhgLTVs-xTuIZGeBs_EXSaS_ApCKSp4NQZ_0cQNh_H4XBIUNSzjty3LJfHQy3AiMW3bIE/s640/20140822_115445.jpg"> </a> </div>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-72409535415412460272014-08-23T12:54:00.001+03:002014-08-23T12:54:20.943+03:00I want your angel<p dir="ltr">I want the greatest man who made the best woman out of me.<br>
but not the worst man who provoked the worst woman out of me.<br>
I want your angel, your innocence, your love.. i miss you! </p>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-85153075620330824562014-03-11T17:01:00.000+02:002014-03-11T17:01:53.801+02:00Collapsing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Collapsing hopes, falling castles, wasted dreams..</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-62127525695102347652014-02-16T23:41:00.001+02:002014-02-16T23:41:52.477+02:00A dance with death on the cliff<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
I was gonna die when I fell from the mountain.. The problem however, is that I didn't !<br />
That was the second time I have a near death experience, this time with a skull fracture, and for the second time I feel very peaceful and accepting to the idea that I might now be dying.. I felt peace.<br />
<br />
I spent almost an hour with an open bleeding head, a fractured skull, a face full of blood, a wounded and shivering body at 0 temperature, waiting for a rope to climb my 10 meter way up, knowing that at each moment I might fall deeper the 1900 meters high.. My insanely shivering body was moving the stones beneath, the ones that earlier have accidentally held me from falling deeper..<br />
<br />
After almost 40 minutes from laying there in this situation, I felt that my body was finally surrendering, the energy was massively draining from my body parts, and my conscious couldn't handle this pressure anymore, I felt I was slowly fainting, losing all power.<br />
<br />
When the rope came in, I held it like I'd hold my soul, I used my wounded knees to climb my way up on the sharp stones, and after some struggle, I arrived to safety and dropped.<br />
<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-24480954136031592872014-01-02T22:49:00.000+02:002014-01-02T22:49:13.983+02:00Maybe you should let them fall<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
"The more I try to fix things the more they fall apart"<br />
"Maybe you should let them fall"<br />
~ The Horse Whisperer</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-5566694504658494142013-11-04T10:26:00.000+03:002016-09-21T08:49:28.351+03:00[Music] Welcome to my world<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Welcome to my world<br />
Step right through the door<br />
Leave your tranquilisers at home<br />
You don't need them anymore<br />
All the drama queens have gone<br />
And the devil got dismayed<br />
He packed up and fled this town<br />
His master plan delayed<br />
<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-85557392738100765892013-06-18T18:20:00.002+03:002013-06-18T18:27:51.581+03:00Pleasure vs. Pain<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
We seek pleasure and avoid pain, subconsciously, i'm not sure how psychologically correct is that, but I've learned recently that this applies to myself.<br />
The decisions i make are influenced by those 2 desires, seeking pleasure and avoiding pain, and if both options collide, the priority goes to avoiding pain.<br />
<br />
This would probably apply to the "play it safe" people too, the non risk-takers, risking exposing yourself to a potential pain for the sake of a promised pleasure is usually a failed option.<br />
The amount of pain caused by someone/something, is proportional to the amount of pleasure you felt by the same cause.
The happier you are, the more sensitive and vulnerable you become.<br />
And i'm so vulnerable at the moment.<br />
<br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3197481814246777717.post-33740239484645766172013-06-11T13:46:00.000+03:002013-06-11T13:46:05.794+03:00Cruelty Free Beauty, Against animal testing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
Did you know that over 80% of countries worldwide still allow animal testing for cosmetics? I've just signed the Cruelty Free International pledge and added my voice to millions of people around the world who are calling on governments to ban animal testing for cosmetics worldwide. Will you join me?<br />
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After over 20 years of campaigning, Cruelty Free International and The Body Shop are finally celebrating the end to animal testing for cosmetics in Europe. This is a ground-breaking victory and sets the stage for other countries to follow suit. With our help Cruelty Free International have an outstanding opportunity to achieve their goal - a worldwide ban on animal testing for cosmetics!<br />
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Please support the campaign and <a href="http://www.crueltyfreeinternational.org/telltheworld/en">add your voice</a> to the pledge today.<br />
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Thank you very much.<br />
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