lost the last connection

After the most recent revelation of knowing he moved on with a new gf since december, as if all my reality collapsed around me fallen apart on me.
I realized now that the binge traveling i had was a subconscious attempt to be around his essense, a connection we once had.
Suddenly, many feelings changed about my upcoming booked trips, now i understand all those nonstop trips, my heart was somehow unknowingly still looking for him.
My mind knew he wasn't there but my heart felt he was, and my heart was apparently wrong, he was, and still is, with her.
I thought I already lost hope, but now i know i just did, only now.
It still hurts and it still aches, i thought i moved on, i thought he was out of my heart, looks like he's still there and still messing me up inside turning all of me upside down.
Turning the page now in better hope of a future without him in my thoughts and heart.