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Sunday, November 5, 2017

Endless Nightmare

You made my worst dreams come true!
I used to have such nightmares and wake up in the middle of the night with a broken heart to find myself in reality in your arms.
You used to tell me such things would never happen, you used to assure me it's only a bad dream and you will always protect my heart.

You used to tell me you love me as you love life itself.
I loved you as i loved life itself, i was true when i said that, now i hate life.

Saturday, November 4, 2017

Enough already

Stop the nonsense and come back home.
Enough already!
I'm almost dead, taking my last breaths.. enough.

Thursday, November 2, 2017

10 pm

It's 10 pm, I'm already drunk, about to go home with a colleague who's been always interested physically.
All i can think of is him, yet i know it's over long ago, i lost all senses, i have no feelings with others anymore, i have no feelings for him either when he's around, i only miss the good great amazing times we shared together once upon a time. Thhe great old him.

I told him "you made me hate veganism" he got defensive.  In my mind now I'm thinking, of course he did, who else did? My grandmother?
He blamed the failure of our love on veganism, he blamed veganism over and over again, it's like all the pain i ever had was bcz of it!

I love being vegan, but i hate that he blamed everything on it.

4th guy to go to bed to, and he's still not there, i lost the power to live, i lost the will to live, there hasn't been a single moment since the damn day where i haven't wished to die, i still wish it everyday.

Fuck him.

Monday, February 27, 2017

Why I love him

Why i love this man:

He's a curious explorer with an insatiable desire to wander the world aimlessly and breath life within at a pace that suits his precious heart beats.
He's the smarter of us and the calmer, and most of the times wiser, he brings with perfect sweetness peace to my heart and knows how to reach to the deapest of my core and cuddle me with his flow of love that leaves me surrendering to him.
He lives in the world with peace and as he values his life, he does the same to others, he respects life and earth and the inhabitats, and he does it all gracefully.
With him I've been inspired endlessly and my life took great turns and my thinking shifted in interesting ways that without him, I wouldn't be the same.
Conversations with him are always filled with exciting discussions and higher lever analysis and deeper thoughts than the average, he fills me with the desire to hear more and know more.
His charming sense of humor and the laughs he brings to my life are at the essence of my joy and happiness, he makes me happier everyday.

I love this man because it's the only thing I can do around him, he leaves me no choices.

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Visit Me

Come visit me in my dreams
I'll love you everyday
make love to you each night
in heaven we'll stay
no struggles no conflicts
just only pure joy
peacefully yours
i'll love you everyday

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Constantly Evolving

I stumbled upon my blog again today, and started reading some of my previous posts.
Couldn't go through all of them at once, 243 posts aren't easy to go through in one session.

It fascinated me how much I evolved and changed since the date of some posts. Some of them are so negative and gloomy, I know that I usually reach out to my blog when I'm sad, angry, frustrated or just need to let out something, rarely when I'm positive, but I still think I evolved and changed a lot since then.

Now I have an opposite positive outlook to life, I love life, I love people, I have lots of hope and my Utopian used-to-be-dream now seem achievable.

Few observations and most of the posts are 6-7 years old:
- I was negative in life, now I'm living it positively and happily, appreciating every moment of it.
- Pain (physical and emotional) plays a huge role in shaping my identity, my thoughtsbeliefs and ideology.
- I'm extremely sensitive to pain.
- My capacity to love, my passion, my giving, ability to forgive, all fearlessly, is overwhelming

Like Nothing

He left like i'm nothing, like i don't exist, or in best cases, like i'm just an object, a neglected piece of furniture...
I don't exist.
He just promised a couple of days ago he won't do this.