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Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Happy New Year

Copyrights to Yasser Abu Thuraya

2010.. Layers of dust and yesterdays.. Shadows fading in the haze of what I couldn't say.. couldn't keep my promise of having a good year, will compensate in 2011
2011.. you WILL be a Happy New Year

Saturday, December 25, 2010

[Music] Let Me Be Your Wings

I wish I had wings.. my favorite childhood fairytale songs
-----------------------
Heaven isn't too far
Heaven is where you are
Let me be your wings
Let me be your only love



Let me be your wings
Let me be your only love
Let me take you far beyond the stars
Let me be your wings
Let me lift you high above
Everything we're dreaming of will soon be ours
Anything that you desire
Anything at all
Everyday I'll take you higher
And I'll never let you fall

Let me be your wings
Leave behind the world you know
For another world of wondrous things
We'll see the universe
And dance on Saturn's rings
Fly with me and I will be your wings

Heaven isn't too far
Heaven is where you are
Stay with me and
Let me be your (You will be my) wings

Monday, December 20, 2010

[Music] I can

Was pure like an angel, now further than an angel
............

I can fly
But I want his wings
I can shine even in the darkness
But I crave the light that he brings
Revel in the songs that he sings

mallagat -.-

Sunday, December 19, 2010

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Impatient


Instead of going for what they want, or at least what they need
Ppl go for the best of what's currently available
and i'm not sure they shouldn't

Friday, December 17, 2010

FLY


I wanna fly high so high
up to the nearest sky
i wanna stay there while it's blue
stay there while it's nice, very high

won't need you to take me there, i can go by my own
and i might find your ghost

have you ever thought
have you ever used your mind
have you questioned what's around
i bet most of us are blind

why are we so numb, selfish
why is humanity so ugly
why did God create pain
doesn't punishment at the end make no sense

what if he wanted it to be this way
and judged based on that
what if your creator didn't suit your logic
what if your logic was the insane
what if i were wrong

who defines wrong?
who defines it all
how do we know
and according to what, we go?!

i wish to know
but when i think of it, i lose interest
why? who cares
what if he cared, God?
what if he was strict?
what if he didn't forgive

and he does hurt so well, oh he does hurt so strong...... i surely know!!
in fact, NOW i know

why is life, and ppl's creation, is done without their permission?
didn't God say he gave choice to mountains and they refused and he gave choice to man & he accepted..
i try to revive my memory but i can't remember anyone giving me a choice
i'm here, as all of you, totally against my will

and most of the simplest things are forbidden!!
but why is that, why doesn't it make sense anymore?
and at the same time feels right?? but feels so wrong!!
why doesn't the 'nagging-why' stop
& why do i have to worry anyways?

do numbers matter, fly my dearest soul
and when you reach
ill be safe, ill only be relieved, when you reach the bluest sky

FLY


Thursday, December 16, 2010

[Music] Animal Instinct

Do you know you made me cry
Do you know you made me die

And the thing that gets to me
Is you'll never really see
And the thing that freaks me out
Is I'll always be in doubt

Friday, December 10, 2010

How can you...

How can i possibly feel what i barely thought i wud, then get frightened
How can i possibly find what really interests me, and let go
How can i fear my feelings, pre-judge, predict what's gonna happen based on previous failures
How can i love what i see and forget it the sooner i leave
How can i quit as quick, and give up on the comfort silence
How can i possibly feel all that joy and slip on the first obstacle, surrender to the first challenge.. rather than facing it i escape to my own corner of solitude..
how can i possibly enjoy my comfort zone of loneliness and still fear its long lasting constant companion
can i be more rude? do i even want a reason to?
what if all i needed was a thought.. a reconsideration... a heart beat!

what if my words were understood, what if that was figured
wud it ever matter? meh....

It's almost 5 a.m and i still can't sleep

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Agnostic

The more i think, the less i believe
It just doesn't make sense to me anymore!
And it makes me upset not knowing where i stand

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Clavicle Bone Fracture

I managed to cause myself a clavicle bone fracture through a horrible car accident, the pain was severe & insurmountable to begin with.. I screamed like i was dying at the hospital and couldn't stop till my leg coincidently supported my arm & stopped it from moving the bone so they could give me Pethidine (analgesic used for pain particularly after an operation or during child birth). I have learned & observed things throughout this experience...

1. When you are in severe pain, no other thought crosses your mind, no thought whatsoever.. only the pain you're currently feeling, if it lasts for a minute, all you think of is the pain during this minute.. You scream as a failed attempt to escape the pain, when you're out of breath, you find out the pain is still there, so you scream louder, the pain is still there, you scream way louder, infinite loop... till something, anything happens..

2. Pain killers never kill bone fracture pain, they only get you high enough to shut it up or put you to sleep.

3. When someone is screaming loudly when you touch their arm, that means they're in pain and Not they're rude, don't take it personally.. ugly doctors!

4. Such events reveal true friends, the ones I didn't even need this event to reveal... my best friend, the one who I first called when i was waiting for the ambulance, who immediately left work & came to the hospital, who stopped the fucked up nurses from touching my hand, and who eventually stayed with me daily since then!

5. First thought that came to my mind when I could think, was why the hell do ppl have children... was this life very fancy that they wanted to get us to try it!! Don't curse more ppl with this life...

6. After that, I felt for every creature who had ever broke a bone...this is me, a basic human, not even a mother.. just someone who felt it and wished I could have the power to erase such pain from existance... then it hit me, how could God, the one who said he's the Most Merciful, the Dispenser of Mercy, how could he allow this to happen!

7. When my mom told me, the pain erases sins, i thought, if this is the case, why wudn't God simply erase them without torture?!

Monday, November 29, 2010

No flying around anymore..
I feel like there's a black hole right in my brain's nucleus!

Sunday, November 28, 2010

Packing Buddy

It's hosted live now, but the prototype is not yet finished, however I added a sample demo to be viewed, you may visit it here.
Still needs lots of work.. I need a UI designer/developer!!

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Thursday, November 25, 2010

It's time to hate

Prayers.. Never got answered, I pleaded & prayed till I lost my faith..
Numbing.. Never worked out..
Hating as a coping mechanism..
Works like magic!!
i HATE you :)

Monday, November 22, 2010

I'm flying without wings...

YallaStartup Weekend ~ Back to Amman

I got back last week but didn't get the time to write anything..
We're done.. and we got recognized as the most hard working team there :)
And we got positive feedback from more than 5 organizations!
our PackingBuddy rocks and soon we'll post a sample prototype online



The hardest part was the way back to Amman, 12 hours in the bus... and my feet became like the GOM player!!

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Exorcism of the wireframe

Disclaimer: No warranties guaranteed for this post, or any post anyways!

We had to do an exorcism process to the laptop running the 3D part of our project this evening...
The project is going so well so far, 2 new members (a UI designer/developer, and a real good programmer girl) joined my team today so now we're 7, the components are almost ready, integrating them, getting the 4 minutes presentation slides ready, multiple interested clients and investors, all ppl around saying "Ooh that's so fucking Awesome!", programming while crossing fingers to win the first or second place...
Spent a great evening in Jummaizeh/Beirut with very nice ppl and the Yahoo! Ba66ah...

Tomorrow is gonna be the big day, we either close some deal(s), and then celebrate at one of Beirut's best places, or get disappointed and forget about it at one of Beirut's best places as well...

I played the pope role in the exorcism this evening, and i learned a new lebanese vocab first thing in the morning by one of my team members cz he didn't believe what I achieved then was actually mine!! (fannaSah)...

I'm so enjoying this event !

Saturday, November 13, 2010

YallaStartup Weekend - To Be Continued...

YallaStartup Weekend is a very nice technical event at Beirut, the whole thing is highly organized.. I pitched my project idea and got enough votes to win, recruited a team of 4 developers + myself (although I highly needed a 3D designer and the event really lacked designers, but we can manage for now) and now working with the team during the weekend to get the project prototype ready by the end of Sunday... I'm so enjoying and excited... sleeping in sleeping bags and having showers at the gym section showers, working on round tables with a highly motivated and enthusiastic team...

The bad thing is, I gotta wake up very early in the morning!!

(To Be Continued...)

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Roll The Dice


Do your prayers get answered?
Isn't sometimes the same result for flipping a coin or rolling a dice?
isn't random a non-reliable fact for a logical sequence?
isn't all just random?
bcz i'm not really sure anymore!

Monday, November 8, 2010

The more i know, the more i find out i don't know.....
the more i grow up, the more i get lost....
People think i love life.....
well, I'm already here, not allowed to get out of it, i have to wait, i escape to sleep, i'm trying to cope... still !
stubborn me!

Thursday, November 4, 2010

”I'm a great believer in luck, and I find the harder I work the more I have of it." --Thomas Jefferson

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

and yet it happens again... my statements are ready in my head, but I just can't find the words to write them down!!!

Guilt

I've done something that is against my standards! I currently hate myself for that.. I was selfish enough to ignore what I knew too well..
That's probably not the worst thing that can happen, I can live with that temporary feeling of self spite, but the guilt is itching!! i'm sure it will soon fade away :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Why?!

Why drink & drive ??!!!
when you can smoke & fly !!!

@ Libya - Random Observations

Day 1: Libya is a dry country
Day 2: Women are prohibited to smoke argeeleh in some places, but they still can smoke cigarettes!
Day 3: There are many programmer girls here, but not as good as the guys..
Day 4: There are no cinemas just like Saudi, but women can drive cars..
Day 5: I think it's Libya who invented the Arab appointments system, they are always too late.. Always!
Day 6: Shopping here is really cheap!! and a trainee's car got stolen today!
Day 7: In Libya, ppl are very kind, nice and sweet.. AND they are actually smart unlike what is being said about them...
Day 8: Flight back to Amman

Day 9: Back! Forbidden Paradise, so ironic, just as Alanis Morissette's Ironic
Day 10: Sweet November
Day 11: Flight Back....... Good Bye Libya!! first time ever i'm not excited to go back to Amman!!

Doll Face

The world is just illusion, trying to change you!

Monday, November 1, 2010

Thursday, October 28, 2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Crappy Bullshit

I recently noticed that stupidity is contagious!!
People actually believe the forwarded emails they receive !!! and do forward them on !!
This email (among other similar emails) reached me through an educated person, that actually works in IT and technology... anyone could easily identify that this is fake, and recognize the intentionally inserted "it worked" messages at the end of the email..
This proves one thing, most ppl believe anything easily...
If stupidity kills, the world population will shrink big time... but probably wont remain as fun..

=======================

Hi, 
Money matters 

  

---------------------------------------------------------
Guys It's working

I have got 
ر.ع.3,900 .

Deepak

---------------------------------------------------------
I got 173 
ر.ع. credited in my HDFC account today only. Yahooooooooooooooooooo!!! hurreeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


Regards,
Apurv Gangwar
Cognizant Technology Solutions
Vnet: 55269

---------------------------------------------------------
Hai this is not joke i got 1,799
ر.ع. credited in my ICICI account last week

Frnds I got 
ر.ع.833 today only..
So I am forwading to u frnds
Don't miss this chance

Regards,
Sathish kumar.
Vnet - 56639

---------------------------------------------------------
I got 
ر.ع.3,615. Was shocked!!!
Hey!!!!!! Am not joking..................
This really works!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
=======================

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

SuperMario Flash Game

I love it too much that i cudn't but to post this!!

Man Oriented

There's this silly thing that was going on at Facebook recently:

Ladies lets have a little fun with the status and make the guys really confused because they hate it when women start putting similar status on and they have no idea what were talking about.
The idea is you put how many cms depending on your mood:
12cm = completely crazy
13cm = Sleepy
14cm = bored at home or at work
15cm = Party time
16cm = missing my ex
17cm = really happy
18cm = studying or working
19cm = I'm stupidly in love
20cm = Sexually satisfied
21cm = in love with the wrong man
22cm = with my boyfriend but in love with somebody else
23cm = want sex
24cm = really happy with my love
* the idea is that you put mmmm..... in front of the cms example: mmmmm...... 18cm
join in the fun and send to your mates.


A guy friend of mine that happened to know about it -thx to Google- put his status as 23cm... I wonder if a gurl chose that number, implying that she wants sex (23cm = want sex), what do you think would happen then? lol mema3ah!!

It was normally ok and acceptable by ppl for the guy to imply that he wants it, but I bet if it was a gurl the guys wont rest till they all make sure she gets what she wants, and probably more!!
It's still not acceptable for women to talk or mention sex in our society, & she who does will get humiliated, and most of all considered a bitch! Alright, we don't even wanna talk about it!!

We're living in a man-oriented society! cheers guys, you win again, it's your era :)

Thursday, October 14, 2010

Life is real... unless declared integer.

Only geeks find that humorous ;)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010

Open Door


...Pressure pressure...
...Public Speaking...
...SEVEN HUNDRED Attendees...
...Microsoft Open Door...
...Tripoli, Libya...
...300/400-Level Session (Advanced Technical)...
..Only 2-Days preparation..


[The audience is gonna be much larger than this!!]

Okay so away from pressure.. I got invited and approved as a speaker in Microsoft Open Door event, Libya's Open-Door, for two 300/400-Level sessions in TFS, a deep advanced technical presentation and discussion... 700 attendees of IT professionals and developers who are gonna be asking questions.... lots of work and preparation to do.... 2 days to do all that work, including agenda preparation, presentation slides, presentation material, virtual machines, labs material and rehearsing....

Why me: bcz I'm one of the best at what I do!

What is Open Door:
Open Door is a technology event that is designed to share the latest technology advancements with the IT Pros and developers in the local market and to provide a chance for the attendees to ask questions to Microsoft's specialists. The event will take place in Tripoli, Libya on November 1st, 2010

Gamers Mentality

"It's never about having fun; it's about winning, winning is fun, losing isn't." - Retro Gamer

Sunday, October 10, 2010

10.10.10

October 10th, 2010
So what?

Plug & Play

I was thinking the other day -wohooo finally!!- , no seriously, i was thinking about religion -again!!- and imagined the world in a very weird prospective perspective... like let's say 2~3K years from now, ppl would be looking back at us and calling us the "religion age" like we call the "ice age", where in that ice-age ppl used to believe in what we think are stupid stuff...
Then, in my imaginary far future, ppl will describe our age as the generations that were obsessed about something they created, followed and worshipped for centuries and named it "religion"..... The first image that came to my mind that ppl then would be living peacefully in harmony and would be loving to each other (my typical utopian vision of all times) since they will not have religion and thus will be extremely accepting to each other, will not be judgmental and thus won't have religious wars! -how naive i am to think this way- then I remembered our humanity facts, that humanity is a fucked-up ugly shit, and humans amongst other races do the most disgusting and humiliating things to both human race and other races... So obviously NO.. the world won't be better off without religion (not sure if it's better with it anyways, i can't tell)..

I came to this geeky analogy while thinking, it's like we -humans- are the hardware devices, and religions are the driver software, more like a user manual maybe, there are many versions of this driver software, but they all agree on the same basics and do the same job, which is to drive the plugged hardware to it's best.. BUT..... WHY! why was humanity created to need guidance??? why is it this ugly stinky bullshit?? why do ppl torture other ppl and animals? why do fathers rape daughters? why do ppl fuck animals? why this? why that? why why why?????
WHY aren't we a plug & play race?? like angels maybe.. where we wouldn't need any "driver" or religion to tell us what to do and what's the best for us? why do we need religion to tell us that hurting ppl is not allowed while we feel like hurting them?? why don't we simply NOT feel like hurting them, and NOT need religion?

Then I (as my usual thinking pattern) calmly remembered.... this race (the plug&play race) already exists in religion and is demonstrated in angels.... and we humans are the less advanced race, and we have to accept this fact and work by it, or don't... whatever suits you! meh

Saturday, October 9, 2010

[Music] Home

Shine- Lake of fire
Lines take me higher
My mind drips desire
Confined and overtired

Living this charade
Is getting me nowhere
I can't shake this charade
The city's cold blood calls me home
Home, It's what I long for
Back home, Where I belong

The city- It calls to me
Decadent scenes from my memory
Sorrow- Eternity
My demons are coming to drown me

Help- I'm falling, I'm crawling
I can't keep away from its clutch
Can't have it, this habit
It's calling me back to my home
Pt.1

Pt.2

NATURE

A subtle chain of countless rings
The next unto the farthest brings;
The eye reads omens where it goes,
And speaks all languages the rose;
And, striving to be man, the worm
Mounts through all the spires of form.

Our age is retrospective. It builds the sepulchres of the fathers. It writes biographies, histories, and criticism. The foregoing generations beheld God and nature face to face; we, through their eyes. Why should not we also enjoy an original relation to the universe? Why should not we have a poetry and philosophy of insight and not of tradition, and a religion by revelation to us, and not the history of theirs? Embosomed for a season in nature, whose floods of life stream around and through us, and invite us by the powers they supply, to action proportioned to nature, why should we grope among the dry bones of the past, or put the living generation into masquerade out of its faded wardrobe? The sun shines to-day also. There is more wool and flax in the fields. There are new lands, new men, new thoughts. Let us demand our own works and laws and worship.

Undoubtedly we have no questions to ask which are unanswerable. We must trust the perfection of the creation so far, as to believe that whatever curiosity the order of things has awakened in our minds, the order of things can satisfy. Every man's condition is a solution in hieroglyphic to those inquiries he would put. He acts it as life, before he apprehends it as truth. In like manner, nature is already, in its forms and tendencies, describing its own design. Let us interrogate the great apparition, that shines so peacefully around us. Let us inquire, to what end is nature?

All science has one aim, namely, to find a theory of nature. We have theories of races and of functions, but scarcely yet a remote approach to an idea of creation. We are now so far from the road to truth, that religious teachers dispute and hate each other, and speculative men are esteemed unsound and frivolous. But to a sound judgment, the most abstract truth is the most practical. Whenever a true theory appears, it will be its own evidence. Its test is, that it will explain all phenomena. Now many are thought not only unexplained but inexplicable; as language, sleep, madness, dreams, beasts, sex.

Philosophically considered, the universe is composed of Nature and the Soul. Strictly speaking, therefore, all that is separate from us, all which Philosophy distinguishes as the NOT ME, that is, both nature and art, all other men and my own body, must be ranked under this name, NATURE. In enumerating the values of nature and casting up their sum, I shall use the word in both senses; -- in its common and in its philosophical import. In inquiries so general as our present one, the inaccuracy is not material; no confusion of thought will occur. Nature, in the common sense, refers to essences unchanged by man; space, the air, the river, the leaf. Art is applied to the mixture of his will with the same things, as in a house, a canal, a statue, a picture. But his operations taken together are so insignificant, a little chipping, baking, patching, and washing, that in an impression so grand as that of the world on the human mind, they do not vary the result.

An excerpt from Nature - by Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Career Path Crisis

It's that time of the career path where things change and you don't do what you love doing anymore... after certain years of experience you become a "senior" and you're expected to manage projects rather than executing them...
You manage the team, the people you envy for doing what you love, while you're swamped in writing proposals, attending presales meetings, maintaining project plans, burn charts, check-points, deadlines, client communication, emails urgent boring stuff yeffff someone get me out of here !!!!


This happens when you work in small to medsized or startup companies, it's good as a start so you won't be too specific or specialized in one thing.. . i mean, if you work in small places, you get the chance to fulfill multiple roles: UI designer, user-experience designer, OOP designer, coder and QA... so it's kinda comprehensive experience, but it reaches a point where you get all the "needed" knowledge and experience to start managing a team.. and this is exactly when the "doing-what-you-love" phase starts collapsing...
In order to keep yourself in the operations level, you have 3 options
1. You either join a really well established and big company which would appreciate your years of experience rather than overqualifying them.. you would then become specialized in one too-specific area, which is not a disadvantage anymore at this point of your career-path, since you have already gained the comprehensive knowledge.
2. Compromise your salary and insist to stay as a Software Engineer or whatever your specialty is, in the same place you work at or a similar one.
3. OR swamp yourself with extra part-time and freelance projects to quench your passion to do what you enjoy doing..

The first option in not available in Jordan and getting it outside is harder than I thought it would be, the second will simply guarantee you a low-salary forever.. I'd go for the third and be whining about it once in while.. 14~20 daily working hours... Get me out of Jordan!

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Monday, October 4, 2010

24 hours are Never enough for one day!!!

Goldsmiths

I love brain teasers..

There are 10 goldsmiths, one of them cheats and deducts 10% of any gold quantity he sells... 
The king has a scale and wants to know which of them is the cheater... What will he do to know the cheater given that he will use the scale only once?

Sunday, October 3, 2010

Roads are much more nicer when you don't know where you are.

Perfect Timings

I guess I found out why things are much more prettier and enjoyable in our minds than in reality.... it's all bcz of the timing... we would imagine or recall certain scenes and scenarios when we feel like having them or living them, when it's exactly the perfect time... when we want them the most, when the mindset is ready!

I'll set a basic example and you apply it to anything else. You would imagine a delicious meal when you're hungry, if you happened to have the same meal at that exact time it would be equally delicious and enjoyable.....
It's just a matter of timing! and yet again, it's all temporal.... ridiculous life.. Very ridiculous!

Thursday, September 30, 2010

Under The Moonlight

Each night, we would lay down on the roof, right under the moonlight.. Talk for hours till we get bored of talking or we get out of words, we wud enjoy the comfort silence and the chilling breeze, or play songs and sing with them and laugh like there's no tomorrow, no sun to rise...

We wud do stupid and silly things and just laugh about them, but most of the time, we're just silently laying down, gazing at the moon and the surrounding stars on the black sky, speaking out our thoughts when we have the energy to, and enjoying each other's company..
I love you my best friend!

[Music] hehe

Fuck You Very Much

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Monday, September 27, 2010

Reality Is Perception # 2

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one." – Albert Einstein

"Everything you see or hear or experience in any way at all is specific to you. You create a universe by perceiving it, so everything in the universe you perceive is specific to you." – Douglas Adams

It was great only while it lasted

Why is it only when ppl die we find out we love them? is it the retrospective effect?
Why do we realize how much we need someone only after they leave?
It is the damn retrospective effect, again. Indeed, things are always exaggerated when you look back at them, like magnifying them, what was good is great, what was bad is misery.
Looking back at the past is tricky..
It was bad only while it lasted..
It was great only while it lasted..

Sunday, September 26, 2010

Angry Thoughts

- Everything happens for a reason, usually to merely piss you off!

- Overthinking gets you no where but to destruction, or depression.. I'd recommend Nike's "Just Do It" better!

- Some things don't just fade away with time.. they stick around till u think it's lasting forever

- They say "The night is darkest before the dawn", but seems like the sun has forgot to rise!

Discovering Me

When i'm happy, I'm hyper and silly..
when i'm in love, i'm flying, calm and quite..
when i'm angry, i'm rude and ugly..
when i'm sleepy, i'm high..
when i'm sad i'm disconnected, isolated..
when i'm alone, i'm not really alone i wud be having arguments and fights with myself that usually end up with depression..
when i'm working, i'm extremely focused..
when playing with my cat, i'm silly as my cat..
when i'm dreaming, i'm in heaven.. when in pain, i'm silently smiling or crying alone.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Pain Kills Pain

It does, temporarily though!
Psychological pain temporarily kills physical pain and vice versa..
The ultimate time to have a piercing or a tattoo is when you're in extreme psychological pain that you will be totally disconnected, separating the mind from feelings that are causing anguish.
And the perfect thing to do at the gym when you get tired or whenever you have to do sth that will cause you physical pain, is to listen to a music that usually gets out your rage and numb your senses..

That's probably why self-harm is being used as a coping mechanism which provides temporary relief of intense feelings such as anxiety, depression, stress, emotional numbness and a sense of failure or self-loathing.

Some ppl wud cut themselves when in overwhelming emotional pain, some would find pleasure in piercing themselves, others wud get high while in pain.. it might as well reflect a way of self-punishment, blaming the self for causing the associated pain, sometimes would be a form of "crying-for-help", although I didn't find anything related to self-punishment during my readings about self-harm, but I still think they are sometimes related.

Self-harm appears -among various other behaviors- in self-cutting, self-piercing, tattoos especially relatively large ones, weed addiction, drugs, alcohol addiction, head-banging and even self-biting.


It often becomes a response to profound and overwhelming emotional pain that cannot be resolved in a more functional way, and may become a means to manage pain, in contrast to the pain that may have been experienced earlier -through abuse- over which we have no control.

And the very funny thing is that some animals when abused, go for self-harming to find relief too!

WOW

Once again, I'm amazed!


8BITS_hd720 from 8BCREW on Vimeo.

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Reality Is Perception (Excerpt 3)

"Hamlet: Do you see yonder cloud that's almost in shape of a camel?
Polonius: By th' Mass, and 'tis like a camel, indeed.
Hamlet: Methinks it is like a weasel.
Polonius: It is backed like a weasel.
Hamlet: Or like a whale.
Polonius: Very like a whale.

Now the whale, the camel, etc., were not in the sky. The clouds are mere aggregates of water-drops. The whale, etc., were in the minds of Hamlet and Polonius. But they could both see the cloud. Thus an image of the cloud was also in their minds, Moreover they knew it to be a cloud. Yet they could "see" animals in it. This is the important fact about mental phenomena. The physical cloud in the sky is just itself, made of water-drops. The mental cloud is multiplicity. To begin with it is a pattern of brain-processes, just as physical as the water-drops. But it is experienced (i) as a could, (ii) as a whale, (iii) as a camel and so on. We cannot dismiss these as "illusions" for it is just the occurrence of such illusions that we seek to explain - besides why is it illusory to see the thing as a whale but not illusory to see it as a cloud? And how did Hamlet know it was "really" a cloud?"

Reference: Learning, Remembering and Knowing - Patrick Meredith

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

[Music] A False Hope to Avoid A Simple Mistake

Time can be the answer, take a chance, lose it all
It's a simple mistake to make to create love and to fall



Despair is for people who know, beyond any doubt, what the future is going to bring.
Nobody is in that position.
So despair is not only a kind of sin, theologically, but also a simple mistake, because nobody actually knows.
In that sense there always is hope.

Floating Thoughts

** "Any statement will get revered and over analyzed if put between quotations" - Dareen

** Dead ppl' wishes get sanctified, living ppl wishes are considered needy demands!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lady Disgusting Ugly, Lady GagaBeef

What an ugly introduction to an ugly world for teenagers to imitate..

Lady Gaga wearing a dress of raw flesh to 2010 MTV Video Music Awards
I wonder how they could stand her stinky smell !!


Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Rejection & Self Reliance

People don't like anything they are not, they tend to reject what is different.

[pretty much fun as Mr. hotdog and the bread lady]

For instance, if you're democratic the odds are you probably wont like dictators, if you're smart you wont stand stupidity, and if you're rebellious you wont really like compliant ppl.
If you're disapproved, rejected or hated, that's ok it's not the worst thing that can happen and in fact I doubt it's even a bad thing, it might mean -among other possibilities- that you are different, or simply yourself.
The bottleneck of it all is to learn how to handle ppl's rejection, and not long for their acceptance or want their approval.
Self reliance is the key.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

"Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." Emerson

Monday, September 6, 2010

Out of the trash

It's like when all these lost revolting thoughts and revived pains emerge in a union of undefined chaos that can pull you down to mind-states you never knew existed, you still absently interact with the surroundings attempting to stay connected despite you never been as much aware as now that the connection has long ago evanesced, the raging hatred and rebelling spite are no more to be smothered or ignored and your neglected instincts will not settle with the mind, the illogical ruthless society will keep going on the same monkey-way approach of following and demanding while all is subject to the same action and reaction to the same ancient availability theory, the nested doubts and paranoia within are endlessly itching and the conscious won't rest.. I hope you don't understand

I will not live out of me

"I will not live out of me
I will not see with others' eyes
My good is good, my evil ill
I would be free."
Emerson

Sunday, September 5, 2010

"life is wasted in the necessary preparation of finding what is the true way, and we die just as we enter it" Emerson

طقطوقة

Appreciating my lovely crimson Tunisian TaqToqah..
I love it :) and in a weird way, I miss Tunis!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

Memory Leaks

Is there a way, any way, to fix memory leaks in a human system?
I've been suffering with my weak bad memory since forever and it's driving me crazy lately, I forget things, events, people, appointments, my phone.. whatever might come to anyone's mind! I even forget to eat sometimes..
I forget important things that shouldn't be forgotten, sometimes things that I really long for, I would passionately wait for a certain day to come, and when it comes I totally forget all about it!
I would commit to an extremely important appointment, forget my phone at my car and totally forget about it!! It's like i'm having Alzheimer.
I know some would suggest using reminders, but if I already forget my "reminder-device" then it's not gonna work, I tried switching my watch to the other hand to remember important things, it worked for a while then I started forgetting to switch it.. I'm tired of forgetting !!

Tuesday, August 31, 2010

“Men are taught to apologize for their weaknesses, women for their strengths!” Lois Wyse

Sunday, August 29, 2010

At The Cemetery

It's late night already, but even the night darkness wont leave her alone..
She misses him too much, it's been a long while since he's gone and the more she waits to die the more she wants him back to life

She asks me to take her to the cemetery as an attempt to be around him, she kisses his soil and sleeps over his grave, wets it with her grieving tears.
Not the empty darkness nor the barking dogs would scare her away
She feels home now, she is home, for this is where she belongs, the only thing missing there is her death, she prays and pleads for it over and over again asking God to take her soul out, but nothing happens, her prayers were never answered anyway.

And she keeps on waiting, if only he were there, if only he knew what's happening, if only..
We go back and she thanks me, as if she needed to..
I would give my own soul to her if I had to, but I know she's already overloaded with hers.

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Unanswered Questions

Could someone, anyone remind me why we're here? cz it seems i forgot!
i mean, why are we having this obligatory test against our well? what if i don't wanna have this life, duwanna have this test?? why do i have to go through this?
isn't forcing someone to this life is injustice? and God is just.
it's not that i don't have faith, bcz i do, i feel it and i can feel God as well, but i also have questions..
an atheist friend once told me that ppl tend to find religion a relieving answer to life, well, i don't!
i find it more relieving if i were like my cat, live once and die. and that's it.. full stop!
all of those unanswered prayers trigger a lot of issues in question
and what scares me the most, is that i -personally- can explain almost anything in a religious view, nothing that can happen can contradict with religion..
i mean if there's something, anything that can happen and contradict with religion but it just doesn't happen, wud be more logical.. but there's ALWAYS an answer for ANYTHING that happened/happening or will happen..
I'm lost!

[Update]: I remember the answer I previously forgot, the explanation to the unexplainable, the excuse for all the un-understandable, that is, our minds are limited, and they are physical entities bound by the physical dimension rules, sciences and behaviours, they are incapable of understanding nor analyzing other dimensions, we still can't really fully-understand what is God, otherwise, we would be Gods, but we're not, we're inferiors, I gotta accept that and move on!

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

يا ربّ

يا فارج الهمّ
ويا كاشف الغمّ 
فرّج همي ويسّر أمري 
وارحم ضعفي وقلة حيلتي 


Tuesday, August 24, 2010

"When she stopped conforming to the conventional picture of femininity she finally began to enjoy being a woman." Betty Friedan

Sunday, August 22, 2010

Sweet Dreams Rush

Sweet dreams are rushing, lifting me high above up to the sky of joy, again.
If reality isn't meeting my intense wants, dreams are. A completely brand new episode each night, some are fresh and discrete, some are contiguous, but all refer to the same goal, same matter, they all climb the same mountain over and over again.
The power of dreams are underestimated, everything looks and feels so real in them, every feeling and every heart beat, each look and gesture, they all just feel so real.. what's the difference between dreams and reality anyways? aren't they both happening? whether in your mind or in.. hmmm.. your mind!
Don't they both leave the same effect? whether it's joy, thrill or disappointment? don't you smile when you remember a sweet dream or a sweet memory? they all are the same..
I love the smile you draw behind when I wake up.. I love you my dreams land..

Thursday, August 19, 2010

[Music] If A Song Could Get Me You

If a song could get me through
I'd sing my way right back to you
Tell me how to make it right
Tell me now, I'll start tonight

So here it is, here it goes
I could try it rock'n'roll
Change-your-life-forever-tune
If a song could get me you
I could make it high or low
Sing it on the radio
If that is what I need to do
If a song could get me you

Stupidity

Winners never quit and quitters never win, but those who never win and never quit are idiots.
This part of my life, is called "Being Stupid" !

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Brilliant Conclusions

"Winners Never Quit and Quitters Never Win" - Vince Lombardi

Conclusion by a friend: "Therefore winners should never quit smoking!"

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

Little Things Done, Bigger Things Achieved

In some situations, little things may in fact mean and achieve big things, or leave a significant effect.

Two days ago, I was fasting and I happened to be late at the gym and got out when it was time for Iftar, I spotted a water bottle in the guard's sentry box right next to the parking gateway, I asked the guard (who was already having his Iftar meal) to provide me with some water from the bottle, to my surprise, the man gave me his cold-water cup, and insisted to give me his glass of juice as well.. He sticked into my thoughts long enough to make me tell 2 friends about what he did, pray for him the whole night and blog about him, that really meant a lot to me. God bless him.

This morning, I was heading to the client-site, and I needed some directions so I asked the old man who was trying to sell newspaper, and he quickly gave me clear, correct and precise directions that even my co-worker who was already at the place couldn't provide, this old man has drawn an admiring smile on my face, deserved 3 minutes of my thinking time before I got distracted by other thoughts, and consumed 5 minuted in writing this paragraph about him. God bless him.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

~destructors();

Destructors: In native programming, destructors are the part of a program that clean up the left-up/unused data from the computer memory.
Garbage: Is the left up data that remains after executing an operation
GC: Garbage Collector, a substitute for destructors in managed languages, they automatically do the same job in a bit different manner

Back to reality, destructors are pretty much the same as their cyber context. I'll set up some example scenarios:

Scenario 1
You remember you once had this delicious fabulous fruit when you were a kid that you don't realy remember its name, this memory sticks up into your mind for years, then you happen to see the very same fruit again, but it doesn't taste as good, in fact it doesn't taste good at all.
Memory destructed..


Scenario 2
You remember your favorite childhood teacher, her image is so pretty in ur head, you happen to see her once after the so many years and she's as ugly as death and as typical as a coin.
Memory destructed..


Scenario 3
You once had this beautiful sweet love that lasted for years with that very picky lover that only sees beauty in you, and you got out of that era with a bag full of sweet lovely memories, years pass by and you somehow spot ur ex in the middle of an orgy let's say. You may then cynically laugh
Memories destructed...
..
and so on

Here's the thing, we tend to exaggerate and overrate the value of those left up data in our memory -the garbage-, we love to keep up our memories, although usually there's no real value for this, the events that formed them had already contributed their share in forming who you are as well, and sometimes reminiscing them would only cause hurt and depression.
I used to admire this song long ago, but sometimes when you see the truth and know that what matters isn't or was never really there and what you always thought to be true is actually another pack of garbage in your head then you learn, to never really appreciate memories.



The moral of the whole thing is to use destructors right on time - which is exactly after any event occurs and leaves memories behind, delete all the left up garbage.. stay clean :)

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Limited Options

When you reach the highest peak
everything else become boring
you either find a higher one -if there is-
or lose every interest in your life...
...

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

The Protocol Rebel

They said it was a violation to the protocol
they told me it was too early
I say I'm glad it happened this way

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

The well ran dry and I'm stuck in the middle

I have always believed that anybody can succeed in achieving their dreams if they put their mind to it and be determined to accomplish it. No obstacle, no matter how insurmountable, can stop you from reaching your goal.

Now I doubt this is true! there are sometimes when you collide with the sky you were not aware of its existance, the sky that forms the ultimate limit of all the things you can do, then you do all what it takes as a failed attempt to make it vanish, you go beyond your best, you still strive and dream, plan and act, and things just simply won't work, your dream begins to evanesce and your will to revive it gets stronger and surrender is not in your options list, if I could surrender I definitly would.. But it's simply my heaven and paradise, everything I ever dreamed of and everything I ever wanted..

I'm stuck in the middle!
.
.
Fragile
.
..
Numb
.
..
Paralysed
.
.
.

Things you won't see often 2

*All rights reserved*

Monday, August 9, 2010

The Availability Theory

It applies to almost everything, and it's as simple as that: The unavailable is wanted, and the available is neglected till it's gone..
Look for this in every aspect of your life, you'll find it everywhere!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Chance

Strategies are set, possible scenarios are considered, odds are precalculated and I'm ready.. Im so ready
All I need is a chance, just a fair chance..

WCG Update, StarCraft 2

Okay, so I won a single match in StarCraft in 8 minutes.. that was my first match, and I lost against the guy who made it to the finals and won! which is also great :D
That was real fun and exciting. I enjoyed every minute of it
Moreover, playing SC2 has amazed me big time
Can't wait till next WCG with SC2


Tuesday, August 3, 2010

Highest Mountain Peak Curse

I once believed that when you lose everything and have nothing left to lose you will realize the meaning of your life, and when you get everything you will forget the meaning of your life.. the more things you lose the more realizations you get and vice versa.

Now I see it this way, if you ever reach to all what you have ever dreamed of, all of what you ever wanted, then out of a sudden you lose it all, as a result you will also lose every interest in all other things, because they are incomparable to what you had, because they will all seem superfluous.. and because they all will be predictable, vain and hollow.
If you reach the highest mountain peak you ever dreamed of climbing, no other mountain will ever attract you again..
It's like a job, what's your dream job? what if you got the job offer of your dreams in the workplace of your imagination where there is no better job whatsoever, then let's say that particular company got bankrupted for example, will you ever be as passionate as you were toward any other job?

If you achieved 9, will you settle for 2? If you got gold, will you accept wood?
If you reached the highest of your desires and got all what you have ever dreamed of, will you settle for less??

That's the curse that keeps you from moving on, keeps you stuck..
That's what I call the highest mountain peak curse!~

WCG 2010 - Jordan National Finals

Update: WCG Update, StarCraft 2

I'm gonna play StarCraft. It's almost there and I feel the intense urge to win, I don't really know why.. maybe cz it's the first time I get involved in such an official championship, maybe it's the challenge spirit, I'm not really sure, but what I know for sure is that I really really wanna win, I got so excited about it that I even was the first subscriber and got ticket No 1 ! I impressed myself..


But I just keep getting frustrated each time I lose a match, doing those matches are basically like measuring my long-time-didn't-use skills in playing the game, which became really bad and noob.
But still I'm training and rehearsing real hard, I'm going forward in this and I must win, at least a match or two.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

In my dreams

"In my dreams I can see you
I can tell you how I feel
In my dreams I can hold you
And it feels so real"
- Anathema

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

True Love

As paradoxical as that might be: I love my still-didn't-come children, too much to the point that I won't bring them to this shitty world!

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Adam Khoo

“If you hate what you are doing and rely on the money you earn to make you happy by buying stuff, then I think that you are living a life of meaninglessness” – Adam Khoo

I came across another email forwarded to me about millionaires' success stories, this one was special. The guy is really brilliant and when I read more about him I got really impressed, and thus I'm sharing his inspiring autobiography and tips with you.

This is his official website: http://www.adam-khoo.com

Sunday, July 25, 2010

I'm here for you

Talk to me endlessly, I'll always be listening
Speak out your thoughts of him, I'll never get bored
I wont say that I can feel you because it's way more than I can percieve, but I will surely try and I will certainly understand
I know it's not easy and I know days are gonna be hard for you, and death can form a confusion for sure
I'll be there around you, or a phone-call away, you're not alone
For I know how it feels both ways, to lose someone and feel too bad about it, talk to ppl who're just not interested, or  have someone caring to talk to about it for hours, daily, endlessly.
I know I'm bad with words, and I also know I suck when it comes to cheering ppl up, I simply lose my tongue, but I hope my presence will be somewhat helpful.
My friend, my best friend, I'm here for you

Monday, July 12, 2010

This World Cup

I'm not a football fan I have to say.
And since I'm not a fan of any team, when this whole world cup thing started I decided to pick up a friend each match and cheer for their favorite team with them, not because I care for the world cup not at all, but just for the fun of it.
First it started with Argentina for Fawzi, I had Argentina flags drawn on my cheeks by sweet Misho :) I enjoyed watching the match, I also knew Lionel Messi and Diego Maradona (who happened to look like my friend Joseph).


Then I cheered for Japan for Gerdo, I also enjoyed this one, and Honda certainly kicked ass.. But most of all I enjoyed watching the funny face and body expressions that players had during the match, and I also learned a fact about Netherlands I was ignorant enough not to already know :)

Then it was Iyya's turn with Germany when they played with England and achieved their fabulous win, I kept cheering for them till they lost their match in front of Spain, so I ended up cheering for Netherlands last night.
From the last few matches I knew Manuel Neuer (GER), Thomas Meuller (GER), Mesut Oezil (GER), Lukas Podolski (GER), Miroslav Klose (GER), Arjen Robben (NED) and David Villa (ESP).

*ra22asni ya gada3*

The match that I enjoyed the most was Germany vs. Argentina, it was both exciting and weird as a former hypocrite Argentina fan -as if-.. Then I celebrated Germany's 4-0 win with my fav DJ Tiesto playing at Beirut, that full-day trip resembled some fun and exciting memories!


I enjoyed world cup 2010 in my own way, looking forward for 2014's. I'll be cheering for Germany for sure ;)

Sunday, July 11, 2010

My Definitions

Life: An obligatory test where you never was given the choice whether to have it or not, and you fail big time if you quit. Nevertheless, it's a recorded tape, playing over and over again, all of what will happen has already happened, all of what happened will repeat endlessly in the bounds of Time. All the people yet to come already exist in a form I haven't yet discovered the words to describe. How do I know? I don't.

Traditional Marriage: A corrupted concept, an employment of special agreement conditions in the contract, and most people's concern is to be the employer rather than the employee.

Love: The ultimate motive of all. The sweet insanity that makes you accomplish and do things you never thought you were capable of doing. The enjoyable coffee-break of life.

Normal: Lexical: Conforming with or constituting a norm or standard.
In other words: What characterises the majority, a word to describe the most common behaviour, what's accepted by others!
Logical: Limits defined by others for you to be like them.

Real Personality: Never existed never will. A personality is just a representation of the unrevealed. A representation can never be real.

Mind: An instrument. Created mainly for thinking and applying taught logic - if used -, and can become very fatal and destructive to its owner, due to the fact that it can take over its owner; by misleading them to identify themselves with it (the mind), and thus identifying themselves with their thoughts, and not being able to stop thinking (because they think they are the mind, while in fact they have the mind).
"I think therefore I exist" is another false theory given by someone who's strongly identified with his mind.

Evolution: A mere common theory, never passed to proven science.

Happiness: The symptom that appears when one locks up the mind, stops thinking and starts feeling with all given senses; usually followed by depression drivin by the mind survival instinctual behavior of intense thinking to overcome what it has missed.

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Temporal

It's so funny how sometimes you may want or wish to have something so bad that you would give up a lot to have, and after a while (regardless of how long it is) you would lose every interest in it to the point that makes you feel silly and stupid you wanted it in the first place.
Makes me lose interest in anything I currently want when I think of this fact, it's all temporal..

[Edit]: And vice versa!!!

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Subliminal Messages

The world is invaded by subliminal messages and in fact they're becoming even more exposed and clear that they are no longer subliminal.
Our minds are getting re-programmed and we're not aware of that (well some of us are). We do things that we think we want to do them. we think we are free to do them while in fact we are programmed to get attracted to them and love them.

First, I'll explain the concept of subliminal messages.

The Concept
A subliminal message is any piece of information which is sent beyond the limit of human perception. However the subliminal messages still get processed by your sub-conscious mind. In this way changes can be made without your pre-existing self beliefs getting in the way.
Subliminal messages effect is subject to the perceiver state of mind, current beliefs, willingness, the more your current desires/beliefs/state-of-mind is compatible with the message content, the faster it will take effect. Subliminal messages effect is similar to the placebo effect, they influence you to act on a certain way by altering your thoughts, wants and desires.

We receive information subliminally all day from a range of sources from media, and advertising, but also from simple day to day life - there is always too much going on around us for our conscious mind to act on it all - so your subconscious mind filters through it and you are only aware of the information you need at the time. For example if you hear your name mentioned across a noisy room you tune into that conversation, this is because you were listening all along on the edge of your perception. Subliminal messages simply take advantage of the fact that your mind can process information you are not aware of.
Subliminal messages can be injected in all types of media (images, audio, video, games... etc.) and can also appear in many other different forms.

Types
Images: Subliminal messages can be injected into images either as semi transparent text or another image that can be hardly recognised by the concious mind, but still processed subconsciously.
Audio: Subliminal messages can be implanted in audio in so many several ways like backmasking, while backmasking remains a very debatable subject, and of course you can pretend anything played backward mean anything you want since it's almost very ambiguous, but the fact remains that backmasked messages will pass through your hearing senses directly to your subconscious mind without the filtration of the conscious mind, whatever that message may appear to be - wether it was intentionally injected in the audio or it just unintentionally sounds so when played backwards. afterall it's not a matter of intention, it's a matter of what our minds receive.
Video: Injecting a single image frame in between let's say a 32 FPS video will not be obvious consciously to the perceiver, however the mind will process it subconsciously, this is used to implant brands and logos in videos to make the perceiver familiar with this logo. Another application of video subliminal messages is inserting an unusual frame (like a girl with 3 hands for example) into an ad video, people will not notice the single frame, however the ad will still draw their attention because there's something "unusual" there.
Other forms: Messages can be sent to the subconscious mind in other various forms, ill set an example I have read but i'm not really sure of it's accuracy - I'm just mentioning it to explain the technique: Volkswagen cars logo is said to be transformed into the Nazi sign when spun at a certain speed (which is what car wheels usually do).

Sex Sells
Subliminal messages is widely used in ads, mainly relating a certain product with sex will subconsciously make the ppl want this product more because they think it will make them feel good, even Disney implants sex messages into kids movie! YES Disney!! Subliminal advertising has been banned in US.

Those are some few examples, you can find more here:

Feel the curves, indeed.

Looks like flight attendants like large towers!


If this part wasn't so important, it wud have been cropped or photoshopped! or it was photoshopped to appear this way..

This one is so blatant that it's not even subliminal!


She's already willing, ready and holding it open. Will you buy this mouse?

Seems like little mermaid likes large towers too

Here are some music backmasking examples - I'm not pretty sure of the accuracy of this information, but Pink Floyd - Empty Spaces backmasked message is quite obvious and clear.

So enough with the examples you can google them anytime and find millions.

Who Cares?
Now, you may say: at the end, if chosing to eat from McDonalds will make me feel good (whatever the reason behind that is I'm not interested to know) then who cares, who cares if I really love McDonalds or I was just externally-influenced to chose it over BurgerKing for example..
Yes, you may be right.. but here's the thing, what will make you feel good is the "chosing" part, the eating part is something totally separate, let's say that when I'm hungry I will chose McDonalds over BurgerKing because I merely think "i'm lovin' it" although I don't really do, and because again it's related to sex pleasure and indeed, sex sells.
P.S. I'm not even implying that BurgerKing doesn't use subliminal messages too, I simply don't know.

To Be Continued
Ok I guess this post is getting too long and I still haven't reached the point where i'm actually pissed off, this all was an introduction of the concept... to be continued.