They started to appear in a rush, one at a time, blatantly warning.. leave.. leave.. now, yes now.. right now.. go just go and be safe!
but just because she doesn't wanna hurt anyone, she's staying, knowing that this is the most stupidly insane decision to make, she's still staying.. and she knows, she will regret this saying, what was i thinking!
things never go her way
never the way her heart is wishing
the night she was whistling a song for him while she was heading home
happened to be the last night they spoke
she loves him still, she told me..
I miss you more than I can say
Forever this way
My angel, my queen
through the hell you've been
I know it's for the best
And it's gonna be ok, at least for the rest
To my only true friend ..
I love you
Have you ever felt helpless, so helpless to move..
Have you ever felt like leaving the steering and just let the car go wherever it may
Have you ever felt, your heart is breaking twice.. at the same time
Have you ever felt heavy, so heavy that the ground can barely hold you
That your move is too slow and you can barely walk
But you can't stop because you'll collapse if you do
Have you ever missed the moments where you feel so light
That you almost could fly..
Have you ever felt your body is rageously rebelling
Your nerves are not responding and your limbs are stubborn and revolting
Have you ever felt, your heart is getting broken twice? at the same time
Have you ever had something to say but you couldn't
'Cause the circumstances were not at your side
The surroundings were all against you
And you just wanna say it but it's not getting out
And it's blocking all other words
That you remain speechless and silent till it's too late to say anything
Have you ever felt prisoned in your body, in your dimension, in your current time
Have you felt like your soul is loudly screaming inside
Those silent screams shattering every thought
That you just wanna vanish
Have you felt like you've been killed
and then been killed over again, but you're still breathing..
"It has been said, 'time heals all wounds.' I do not agree. The wounds remain. In time, the mind, protecting its sanity, covers them with scar tissue and the pain lessens. But it is never gone.."
- Rose Kennedy
نزار قباني، ويغني الناس من خلفه رجالا ونساء حبًا وعشقًا:
أحبيني بلا عقد..
وضيعي في خطوط يدي..
فلست أنا الذي
الناس يغنون فقط ولكن لا يقبلون هذا الكلام بعد أن يغلقوا الكاسيت، فعلى الأقل لا توجد امرأة تقبل هذا النوع من الحب.. «حب الإكسبرس».. وهو ما يمكن أن يقبله الرجل أحيانا.. فالمرأة ترفض حب المسافات القصيرة.. فهي تريده حبا طويل الأمد.. بينما يفضله الرجل أحيانا، كما يفضل رحلاته القصيرة. يريده لأسبوع، أو لأيام، أو لساعات. كما يفعل عندما يذهب لمكتب السفريات، ويطلب من موظفة الحجز أن تحجز له، فهو يريد أن يحجز قلبا لمدة أسبوع كما يحجز غرفة أو «سويت«!!.
فالحب في حياة الرجل رحلة قصيرة، أو محطة صغيرة ينطلق بعدها إلى رحلاته أو محطاته... لا فرق، بينما عند المرأة يكون الحب هو كل رحلاتها، رحلتها الأولى والأخيرة، أو رحلتها الأبدية. فإذا كان الرجل من نوع شاعرنا نزار قباني «لا يهتم بالأبد»، فهي على النقيض من ذلك، فالحب لديها إما أن يكون أبديا أو لا يكون!!
الحب لديها مشروع دخول للحياة، بينما هو لدى كثير من الرجال مشروع خروج أو «تخرج»، فهو لديه هوايات كثيرة، أحدها العمل في قلب امرأة أخرى بعد التخرج، أو «إكمال» دراسات عليا في قلب امرأة ثانية.. بينما أقصى أهداف المرأة بعد الحب أن تجد لها عملا في قلب زوج فحسب، بشرط ألا «تعمل» في هذا القلب واحدة أخرى؛ فهي لديها استعداد لأن تعمل بدرجة «موظفة» بسيطة في قلب زوجها الكبير على أن تعمل «مديرة» في شركة كبرى. كل ما تحتاجه هو قلب «كبير»، وأشياء «صغيرة».. كلمة حب صادقة ومشاعر غزل «تعلقها» كإكسسوارات في قلبها.
Doesn't it hurt to so much want to give others, but you find that you're stopping yourself because you've been disappointed a lot, and you learned and concluded that giving too much is tiring..
Doesn't it hurt to suppress the desire for giving?
Doesn't it hurt, when you think bigger than yourself, achieve bigger and do great things to those in need, be stubborn enough to not allow anything, anyone or any circumstance no matter how insurmountable that is, from stopping you from doing what you wanna do for others, and then when you need them they don't even meet your lowest expectations..
Doesn't it hurt to be continuously disappointed?
Doesn't it hurt to keep lowering expectations down, so down to the point where you don't have any, to avoid disappointments, and you destroy any belief in promises because they simply raise expectations..
Doesn't it hurt to lose faith in everyone?
في الحبّ ثمّة كائنٌ واحد، شاء حظه أن يسكن بيتين!
ربما إن هنالك فارقاً مريعاً بين العلاقة والحب!
في العلاقة ثمة دهاء، إدارة عاطفيّة، تحسّبٌ، مكرٌ، حسابات ربحٍ وخسارة، كرامةٌ شخصيّةٌ تظلّ تنهضُ مستفزة عند أيّ زلة لسان، وتفكيرٌ عميقٌ بمن الذي بات ليلته منتصراٌ على الآخر!
في الحب اندفاع عميقٌ وساحرٌ دون تحسّب.
في الحب لا تُحسب الأمور بمنطق المهزوم والبطل، ولا أحد يتوقف ليحاسب الآخر على كلمةٍ عابرة، بل إنه في الحبّ ليس ثمّة آخر من حيث المبدأ!
في الحبّ ثمّة كائنٌ واحد، شاء حظه أن يسكن بيتين!
في الحبّ لا سيّدٌ ولا عبد، في الحبّ لا أحد يخطط للانتصار على أحد، فكلاهما خاسرٌ لو خسرالأحد!
وكلاهما أيضاٌ خاسرٌ لو انتصر الأحد!
في العلاقة تفكيرٌ انتهازيٌّ: عليّ أن أنتظر ليعود إليّ منكسراُ وطائعا، وعليه أن يفهمني وأن يسير وفق هواي!
في الحبّ تنكسر الشجرةُ إن انكسر فرعٌ نحيلٌ وتدلّى على خصرها!
في العلاقة يومان أو ثلاثة بلا هواء، بلا قهوةٍ، وبكفّ تظلُّ باردةً دون شقيقتها، بقدمٍ لا تلهج بالركض نحو موعدها اليوميّ، وبصوتٍ يباتُ في الفم نيئاً دون كلام!
في الحبّ لا يصيرُ الحبُ موعداً؛ لكنه مقدسٌّ مثل ساعة الآذان!
ولا ينفعُ الهواء المعلّبُ، أو بقايا الحب على طرف الطاولة منذ الليلة الماضية، أو بضع كلمات عالقات على سماعة الهاتف.
كما أنه في الحبّ لا جدوى من فكرة الرسائل القصيرة؛ فهي مثلما قلتُ لكِ مرةً: لا تبلّل الروح إلا بقدر جرعةِ ماء سريعةٍ من عند الحلّاق!
في العلاقة ارتواء ولو مؤقت، قناعةٌ ساذجةٌ لا تليق بالعاشق الجَسور، وتهذيبٌ وعقلانيّةٌ وقليلٌ أو كثيرٌ من الاحتكام للعقل ولـلمصلحة العليا؛ كما يفعل السياسيون!
في الحبّ قفزٌ بالمظلّات دون اكتراث بالأرض الشائكة، كما يفعل الفدائيون!
في الحبّ انهماكٌ دؤوبٌ بالبحث عما هو مدهشٌ وحيويٌ، واحتفالٌ صاخبٌ على مدار الوقت يدخل طرف الليل بأطراف النهار!
لا يليق بالحبّ أن يكون مدروساً وأن يوضع على طاولةٍ مستديرةٍ للنقاش، وأن تُعدّ له دراسة جدوى!
الحبّ اندفاعٌ أحمق ولذيذ، مثل صعود الجبل لرجلٍ لم يمارس الرياضة من قبل، متعبٌ لكنه يخلخل عضلات القلب الكسولة، ويرشّ ماء على وسادة الذي نام وحيداً.
في العلاقة علينا أن نكون مستيقظين، وأن نراقب سائق العلاقة، وأن نرشوه بين وقتٍ وآخر، وأن نظلّ نحدقّ بانتباه في اللوحات الإرشاديّة على الطريق.
ونظلّ نسأل: هل وصلنا؟ وما شكل البيت؟ ونغضب إن سلكنا طريقاُ خاطئاُ احتاج لعشر دقائق أخرى.
لكنه في الحبّ لا أحد يسأل: إلى أين تذهب هذه الحافلة!
Well I've been to the East and I've been to the West
I looked for the one that i liked the best
I've loved and I've lost my share of a few
I've given my heart, and they've taken it too.
I've been searchin', and searchin' for the warmth in a smile
To brighten my day, and make life all worth while.
I've looked to the North, and to the South Pole
Done my share of searchin' the days, you should know
I've been lookin' and lookin' my whole life through
Tryin' to find my way back to you
Cause I love you, I do.
They say that two hearts beat as one
Thats all, you will know when it's true
That even as love slips away, just wait
Sometime in this life you'll find the one for you
Yeah, they're out there, its true.
Well I've looked high, and I've looked low
Done my share of searchin' the days, you should know
I've been lookin' and lookin' my whole life through
Tyrin' to find my way back to you
Cause I love you, I do-do-da-da-do, da-da-do-do-do-do
Cause I love you, I do.
After few mess ups I learned a golden rule, I'll give it out for free..
Focus on what is important rather than what is urgent..
The urgent things might not be as important as the other postponed important things, but because you're always swamped with the urgent things (giving them false importance) you then forget about the important things till you finally find out it became a total mess.
You might divert from the path of achieving your dreams because of the urgent things, or stop perusing a certain goal because you're constantly busy.
it's ok to let go the urgent things sometimes, it's ok to fail, and sometimes destruction is required for a reconstruction.
you have every right to reject me, i never blame anyone for hating me, i do realize and understand that my stupidity is beyond your tolerance, i do admit i am naive next to your generations of experience.. and i do know that what is different is hated and rejected!!
Dear Pretentious People,
I have tried to try it my way, and i have to say i failed, not once, not twice, a lot more.
you know your people better, you tried to tell me how to deal with them, you explicitly told me to "play games" around, you showed me the right path, gave me every sign, but i was stubborn enuf to rebel, i just wanted to be honest, i simply wanted to be who i am, i hated wearing masks, i hated wearing fake smiles... well, my way, has miserably failed with your nation..
I'm sorry i made the same mistake again, i loved others more than i loved you
The eternal battle, the heart vs. the mind.
and since i'm not a "blame it on others" person, i tend to only blame myself (the heart-mind battle) for whatever pain i get myself into.
because i believe that no one can hurt you without your explicit conscious permission.
the thing is that as a result, a behavior adjustment has to be done, unconsciously though, the adjustment tend to become solitude, a subconscious belief is aroused that introversion keeps others from hurting you.
Now regardless of this choice being a wise one or not, it's a subconscious reaction that is totally beyond my awareness, and yet part of who i am.
it has saved me tremendous frustrations throughout the years i have to say, but the question is, am i really comfortable this way? and is the joy outcome of trust worth the risk of getting hurt? I don't know...
Because, in a moment of happiness, you forget all sadness, and in a moment of sorrow, you forget all joy.. and i don't bear to handle the pain, my pain threshold (physically and psychologically) is really low and i would prefer the indifference attitude over the risk.
To experience the feeling of pure happiness without the associating fear of losing it, is freedom.. and I am free :)
This associating fear vanishes as a result of realizing that your happiness does not necessarily rely on your current happiness sources, in fact it lingers within yourself, regardless if your life situation remains the same or changes.. regardless if you lose what you have or you don't, no matter what you go through..
living without fear, is the ultimate liberation.. and I am happily free :)
"Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It is a very mean and nasty place, and I don't care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me or nobody is going to hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit, it is about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward, how much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now, if you know what you're worth, then go out and get what you're worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hit, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you are because of him, or her, or anybody. Cowards do that and that ain't you. You're better than that! I'm always gonna love you, no matter what. No matter what happens. You're my son, you're my blood. You're the best thing in my life. But until you start believing in yourself, you ain't gonna have a life.
I stopped thinking the way other people think a long time ago, you gotta think like you think."
It's all in your mind, only in the mind.. ALL of it, doesn't even exist
Prove that you exist, you can't..
If you may use your senses to conclude the truth of your existence, they are insufficient for such case, because the mind is what processes all their input and interprets them to things you may feel, see, hear, smell or taste.. so it's all in the mind..
Prove that your body exists, you can't, if you may say I feel my body, i'll introduce phantom pain and phantom sensation phenomena, where one actually feels and senses non-existing body parts, and feels pain as well in them, like crushing or burning in non-existing body parts.. those ppl who experience this are mentally healthy, this kind of pain or sensation is usually following a limb loss, they feel their body part despite it doesn't exist.. because it's all in the mind, and thus, feeling something fails to prove it exists..
Same goes for eyes, what we see is not necessarily what exists.. we don't see the same world as seen by a dog, a cat, a bull or even a fly.. each of which see the world differently based on the specs of the equipment they have -the eye(s)- and the way their brain interprets it.. the mind is a very powerful instrument and can be easily manipulated, some drugs will cause your mind to visualize things that do not exist, how can you prove, based on what you see, that it's not your mind creating them, just as the lucid dreams? you can't rely on what you see.
Same goes for smelling, hearing and tasting.. it's ALL in the mind, the theory of "nothing exists" can't be proven wrong nor right, it will remain an unanswered question..
A peace of ice lingers within, too cold that it hurts
She smiles, absently
Entering the gates of heaven was bizarre, more than she thought it would be, moreover, full of promising fanciful illusions
She's still scared of proceeding forward, terrified of the unrevealed
She learned in her earthly life to face fear of the unknown with curiosity
Nevertheless, she's not sure she can afford another wound, much deeper this time
She knows, nothing is for free, a simple mistake will inflame her soul to vanish
Does she have the choice anymore, she wonders..
Is it too late to go back home? is she too lost to be saved now?
Her perpetual state of stillness immobilized her heart back on earth, her coping mechanism was to always seclude herself to her comfort corner of silent careless solitude, "If I don't allow anyone near me, I won't get hurt", she thought, "If I don't care, I won't be vulnerable".
She wanders until she reaches the frozen rain, she deeply inhales the smell of it, like the last breath of the drowning, peacefully washing her itching doubts away
Awakened to the devil around her, she shivers, he looks her gently into her confused eyes
His sublime smile is a beautiful lie, he holds her tightly and implies: "Trust Me"..
Bewitched her soul, she forsakes her guardian shields, gives in and flies away
Nothing is real
It's all in the mind
In MY mind
It's all a moment in a random brain
Nothing of you exists
Neither does my physical form
Only my thoughts and I
"It is easy in the world to live after the world’s opinion; it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
In a moment you waited for so long, so long that u forgot you were waiting.. you drift inner tears, hiding them not to ruin it, tears of joy and fear!
Of happiness, of not believing you're living a moment of your dreams, tears of fear, scared and terrified to lose it again, terrified of it being just another dream, another illusion of yours, just a mirage.. either way, you smile, the excessive joy prohibits your heart from beating further, you surrender, no more fights with yourself, no more fights with your heart, it's exactly what you've been wanting, and it's exactly the perfect timing for eternal peace!
Did I? Tell you the story of the angel who cuts her wings off in front of your temple, waiting for you to let her in, but you didn't, so she went back, full of sin.. covered with your bloody ego.. Threw herself silently into the lake of secrets, to land there, staring at the dark sky.. watching you laughing around?
Did I?Give you the chance, to enter my life, feeling you messing with my paintings, drawing and sketching your face everywhere on my walls, in my memory, fooling around, walking with your brushes, painting your adventures all over my mind.
Did I allow you to leave me armless, frozen, and never get the way to call your name loudly in this world? And you left.. with a big smile, you left.
Did I? turn a half dead in your memory, living in your world like a shadow without an identity.. seeking your smile in others' faces.. touching their warm hearts, thinking it is you living inside?..
Did you? leave me outside alone, it's freezing here, and I am not feeling well.. Come, and take my hand, get me out from this cold cold lake.. Or just let me faint..fade and just, let me..live again.
I just still can't see any value in revenge, maybe i'm too practical to appreciate the emotional outcome of revenge, but i'm also emotional enough not to hurt and instead to forgive..
Yes I would forgive someone for raping me if he felt sorry, and I would sue him if he didn't just to protect myself from further trials.
Physically torturing others is the worst thing a human can do! Not for any reason nor under any circumstance one is eligible for torturing others.
I Spit on Your Grave.. Crime & Revenge, it's still a good movie despite i totally don't agree with the concept.
A colleague has resigned because he received a job offer in Riyadh, KSA -eww- and we were talking about it during the cig break which brought the group to another subject, someone said "guys have to focus on their career at some time in their life but you girls don't have to care about yours, because, you know, you're gurls!!" I couldn't help but to laugh and say "WHAT!!" another one jumped in and said "huh, Dareen is always against oriental culture".. okay, wtf is going on!
What exactly is in the "Oriental Culture" to be liked anyway? but away from that, why wouldn't a gurl care about her career? don't we have ambition? I can confidently tell that my own ambition and goals are way more than most of the guys out there, and I DO care about my career and plan ahead for my path, I'm a workaholic and I enjoy it.
Away from my ego, and back to the society, all I can say about it, is "typical".
The way women are treated here is really frustrating and the neglected women talents are going to waste in order to focus on *more important* talents, the ones she will be using to earn her living later from the man dominating her! including breeding more sick ppl.
It's more like a trend here, to embrace traditions, deciding what's right n wrong based on predecessors' traditions which again means that we don't even have an original culture of our own.. it's extremely retrospective and builds upon history's rotted old stories.
I'm a woman, and I do dare to rebel. Die within yourself if you don't like it, and I won't care.
I miss the nights we spend under the moonlight on the roof each summer.. but i'm so glad you're still here, the more I see of ppl I used to call friends the more I appreciate your mere presence in my life, your pure friendship and compassion is worth more than 1000 words, it's a bless worth a lot to have you around..
And I still smile when I remember ^_^ and my heart shivers of joy when i wake up, i'm in deep love with my sweet dreams..
Despair is for people who know, beyond any doubt, what the future is going to bring, nobody is in that position, so despair is not only a kind of sin, theologically, but also a simple mistake, because nobody actually knows.. In that sense there always IS hope..