The perpetual battle

The eternal battle, the heart vs. the mind.
and since i'm not a "blame it on others" person, i tend to only blame myself (the heart-mind battle) for whatever pain i get myself into.
because i believe that no one can hurt you without your explicit conscious permission.
the thing is that as a result, a behavior adjustment has to be done, unconsciously though, the adjustment tend to become solitude, a subconscious belief is aroused that introversion keeps others from hurting you.

Now regardless of this choice being a wise one or not, it's a subconscious reaction that is totally beyond my awareness, and yet part of who i am.
it has saved me tremendous frustrations throughout the years i have to say, but the question is, am i really comfortable this way? and is the joy outcome of trust worth the risk of getting hurt? I don't know...

Because, in a moment of happiness, you forget all sadness, and in a moment of sorrow, you forget all joy.. and i don't bear to handle the pain, my pain threshold (physically and psychologically) is really low and i would prefer the indifference attitude over the risk.

I'll lend you a child

You're born, raised and then torn down,
to look a little more like, everyone you meet,
And everyday that goes by,
you look a little less like who you used to be.

I don't mind the people staring,
'cause I know they never see me anyway,
In these days, all the worlds the stage,
and everyone just wants to be the star.

This is all too heavy,
If you believe in your self,
But no one can hurt you with out your consent,
And I am not giving in.
I'm not giving in
and I'm not giving in

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine
For you to love - while she lives

And mourn for when she's dead.
And from the throngs that crowd
Life's lanes, I have selected you.

Now will you give her all your love,
Nor think the labor vain,
Nor hate Me when I come to call to
Take her back again?"

Freedom

To experience the feeling of pure happiness without the associating fear of losing it, is freedom.. and I am free :)

This associating fear vanishes as a result of realizing that your happiness does not necessarily rely on your current happiness sources, in fact it lingers within yourself, regardless if your life situation remains the same or changes.. regardless if you lose what you have or you don't, no matter what you go through..

living without fear, is the ultimate liberation.. and I am happily free :)