Constantly Evolving

I stumbled upon my blog again today, and started reading some of my previous posts.
Couldn't go through all of them at once, 243 posts aren't easy to go through in one session.

It fascinated me how much I evolved and changed since the date of some posts. Some of them are so negative and gloomy, I know that I usually reach out to my blog when I'm sad, angry, frustrated or just need to let out something, rarely when I'm positive, but I still think I evolved and changed a lot since then.

Now I have an opposite positive outlook to life, I love life, I love people, I have lots of hope and my Utopian used-to-be-dream now seem achievable.

Few observations and most of the posts are 6-7 years old:
- I was negative in life, now I'm living it positively and happily, appreciating every moment of it.
- Pain (physical and emotional) plays a huge role in shaping my identity, my thoughts, beliefs and ideology.
- I'm extremely sensitive to pain.
- My capacity to love, my passion, my giving, ability to forgive, all fearlessly, is overwhelming. 

Like Nothing

He left like i'm nothing, like i don't exist, or in best cases, like i'm just an object, a neglected piece of furniture...
I don't exist.
He just promised a couple of days ago he won't do this.

This phase of my life...

...is calles "slow motion"

Tonight, among all nights, I miss you.

Dangerously highly addictive

I like you, i wanna love you, and i wanna hate you at the same time for the bad timing, you're dangerously highly addictive, i wanna cry, and i wanna laugh with you.. you're amazing!

Sleep paralysis

I just had my 2nd sleep paralysis last night, i had the first one around a couple of months ago, but it was like a drop in the ocean compared to last night..

The problem with sleep paralysis is that you can never tell what's real and what's not, i woke up so many times just to find out i was still "dreaming"..

It was terrifying, and it was real.. i ended up waking up at 2 am and scared to go back to sleep.. i hope it won't happen again!

Some people strive to achieve lucid dreaming or sleep paralysis, but i say run away as far as you can!

Camping packing checklist

Tissues
Wet wipes
Deodorant
Facial cleanser
Cotton pads
Facial creams
Makeup
Soap
Shampoo
disposable tooth brush
Hair cream
Hair kit, hat
Hair scarf for sun/bandana
Shades
Nail protection, nail oil
Lip balm
Sunscreen
Nail kit
Fan

Tent
Blanket
Inflatable pillow or nick pillow
Air mattress/airbed
(Optional) Hammer for setting up the tents
Microwave bags, Tupper wear for water protection, water proof bag
Headlights
Rope
Sleeping bag
Camping Chair
Portable Speakers
Camera
Extra batteries for the head light
Passport - if traveling
Pen, small notebook
Credit Card, money, id, health insurance card
Portable charger, car charger, charging cable

Towel
Face towel
Shoes
Slippers
Socks
Extra clothes
Swimming suits
Goggles
Snorkeling kit - if snorkeling
Foot splints - for night relief
Sheets or ground cloth - to be put under the airbed

Cigarettes & Lighter
Snacks and Juices
Corn & Mushrooms for BBQ, lettuce for bread replacement (for gluten-intolerant ppl like me)

Cutlery
Aluminum dish for hot bbq
Vitamins

For women - feminine care (pads, wet wipes, tampons..)

still stuck

my heart aches when I think about you and my whole body grieves.
The tragedy however, is that I'm thinking of you often!

not that i want us to be back or anything, I'm sure about the rational decision, but I'm angry on the destiny that put us together and then apart again..

Love in absence

I want your angel

I want the greatest man who made the best woman out of me.
but not the worst man who provoked the worst woman out of me.
I want your angel, your innocence, your love.. i miss you!