Giving up

Few more tears and I'm done

Why I love him

Why i love this man:

He's a curious explorer with an insatiable desire to wander the world aimlessly and breath life within at a pace that suits his precious heart beats.
He's the smarter of us and the calmer, and most of the times wiser, he brings with perfect sweetness peace to my heart and knows how to reach to the deapest of my core and cuddle me with his flow of love that leaves me surrendering to him.
He lives in the world with peace and as he values his life, he does the same to others, he respects life and earth and the inhabitats, and he does it all gracefully.
With him I've been inspired endlessly and my life took great turns and my thinking shifted in interesting ways that without him, I wouldn't be the same.
Conversations with him are always filled with exciting discussions and higher lever analysis and deeper thoughts than the average, he fills me with the desire to hear more and know more.
His charming sense of humor and the laughs he brings to my life are at the essence of my joy and happiness, he makes me happier everyday.

I love this man because it's the only thing I can do around him, he leaves me no choices.

Visit Me

Come visit me in my dreams
I'll love you everyday
make love to you each night
in heaven we'll stay
no struggles no conflicts
just only pure joy
peacefully yours
i'll love you everyday

Constantly Evolving

I stumbled upon my blog again today, and started reading some of my previous posts.
Couldn't go through all of them at once, 243 posts aren't easy to go through in one session.

It fascinated me how much I evolved and changed since the date of some posts. Some of them are so negative and gloomy, I know that I usually reach out to my blog when I'm sad, angry, frustrated or just need to let out something, rarely when I'm positive, but I still think I evolved and changed a lot since then.

Now I have an opposite positive outlook to life, I love life, I love people, I have lots of hope and my Utopian used-to-be-dream now seem achievable.

Few observations and most of the posts are 6-7 years old:
- I was negative in life, now I'm living it positively and happily, appreciating every moment of it.
- Pain (physical and emotional) plays a huge role in shaping my identity, my thoughts, beliefs and ideology.
- I'm extremely sensitive to pain.
- My capacity to love, my passion, my giving, ability to forgive, all fearlessly, is overwhelming. 

Like Nothing

He left like i'm nothing, like i don't exist, or in best cases, like i'm just an object, a neglected piece of furniture...
I don't exist.
He just promised a couple of days ago he won't do this.

This phase of my life...

...is calles "slow motion"

Tonight, among all nights, I miss you.

Dangerously highly addictive

I like you, i wanna love you, and i wanna hate you at the same time for the bad timing, you're dangerously highly addictive, i wanna cry, and i wanna laugh with you.. you're amazing!

Sleep paralysis

I just had my 2nd sleep paralysis last night, i had the first one around a couple of months ago, but it was like a drop in the ocean compared to last night..

The problem with sleep paralysis is that you can never tell what's real and what's not, i woke up so many times just to find out i was still "dreaming"..

It was terrifying, and it was real.. i ended up waking up at 2 am and scared to go back to sleep.. i hope it won't happen again!

Some people strive to achieve lucid dreaming or sleep paralysis, but i say run away as far as you can!

Camping packing checklist

Tissues
Wet wipes
Deodorant
Facial cleanser
Cotton pads
Facial creams
Makeup
Soap
Shampoo
disposable tooth brush
Hair cream
Hair kit, hat
Hair scarf for sun/bandana
Shades
Nail protection, nail oil
Lip balm
Sunscreen
Nail kit
Fan

Tent
Blanket
Inflatable pillow or nick pillow
Air mattress/airbed
(Optional) Hammer for setting up the tents
Microwave bags, Tupper wear for water protection, water proof bag
Headlights
Rope
Sleeping bag
Camping Chair
Portable Speakers
Camera
Extra batteries for the head light
Passport - if traveling
Pen, small notebook
Credit Card, money, id, health insurance card
Portable charger, car charger, charging cable

Towel
Face towel
Shoes
Slippers
Socks
Extra clothes
Swimming suits
Goggles
Snorkeling kit - if snorkeling
Foot splints - for night relief
Sheets or ground cloth - to be put under the airbed

Cigarettes & Lighter
Snacks and Juices
Corn & Mushrooms for BBQ, lettuce for bread replacement (for gluten-intolerant ppl like me)

Cutlery
Aluminum dish for hot bbq
Vitamins

For women - feminine care (pads, wet wipes, tampons..)